There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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