No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
