wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize