if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
