I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
