I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
