No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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