I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
