So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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