Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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