great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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