i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
