I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
