can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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