it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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