so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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