I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
