Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
