Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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