Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
