I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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