there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
