she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
