The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this is an emotional support booty call
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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