I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
