umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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