mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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