The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
