He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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