We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He did a backflip because drugs
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
