Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
