my soul wont recognize me after tonight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
