Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
