I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
