the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
