Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize