Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
