just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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