I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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