I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
