can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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