I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
