need another drink. this is the easiest way
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
