Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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