Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
