It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
