spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
