my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
