There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize