i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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