those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
