He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
