I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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