I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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