This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
