words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
