Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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