I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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