We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
