I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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