I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
