4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
