its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
