Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
