Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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