I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
