I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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