You really coming over, don't trick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
