Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
