i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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