Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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