one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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